Last Radiation Treatment!

Today, I have officially finished my first set of treatments.  No more radiation and no more chemo!!! Thank God!  I let my son stay out of school today to go along since they have this huge gong to ring at the finalization of treatments.  He was pretty stoked but he did hold back because I am sure he could have made that thing make noises it had only dreamed of.  I figured, my kids are the main reason I made it through, well they were my driving force anyway.  I wanted them to be apart of the finalization since they are the ones who have had to make the major adjustments of their new mommy.  I know it has been really hard on a 3, now 4, year old and 8 year old to see their mommy transform in so many ways in just 3 months.  And they have been real troopers through all of this.  I just hope that when they look back on it they just remember how strong their mommy was, how much I love them, and how much it will eventually make our family grow with this life changing experience.  I have had alot of changes in my life lately, all of them for the good I hope.

I have now lost 46 lbs altogether.  I know it is not good to lose all this right now but I just look at all the food I will eventually be able to eat again, hopefully sooner than later.  I have good days and I have bad days.  On my bad days, I would kill for a balogna sandwhich, and you could even read me the ingredients and I would still eat the heck out of it. lol  But, all this will come in time and I just have to keep reminding myself of that.  Even though I have finished with my treatments, the doctors tell me that the next couple of weeks will remain the same if not a little worse because I am so drained.  But after that, it should slowly start to get better.  I can't wait, even though it means getting closer to one more surgery.  This too, shall pass.

Even though I have finished with radiation and chemo, I am still going through my steps to getting better.  One day at a time.  I am starting to see a glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel these days and hopefully these rainy, stormy days are in my past and the future will be nothing but brighter.  I am going to wrap this up now.  Thanks, to my little one that doesn't like to sleep at night, there is no telling what all I have typed because I kind of feel like I have been rambling.  If I have, I am sorry, but I will try to keep everyone posted on what else is to come in the future.
Love and God Bless,
Stacy

Yeah, Yeah I'm Still Around :)!

Sorry, it has been awhile.  One of my moms crazy friends, just kidding Max, informed me that it has been awhile but I hadn't realized just how long it has been.  Not too much has happened except that I am getting better day by day.  Well, that is quite a big deal, but you know what I mean. I am now finished with my chemo treatments, yeah.  I was scheduled for one more but opted not to do it.  Those things make you sick as a dog and I was told the last one really doesn't add much benefit.  I have lost so much weight, so I figured that why keep throwing up for something that isn't really going to benefit me?  They also decided to put me back on steroids to help with nausea and thank God because those things really help out.  I am down to my last 4 radiation treatments and I am steadily counting.  Radiation is work from the devil :).  I have lost about 4 inches of hair under the back, which you cant tell with my hair down.  The worse is all this mucus.  I don't know how in the world I could produce so much crap.  I feel like I am honestly blowing every part of my body just to get it out.  I have to clean my mouth out with toilet paper, I know it sounds gross but it works.  One day Kami, my 4 yr old, walked in and said, Mom, you are only supposed to blow your nose, not your mouth.  Well, she now has to blow her mouth along with blowing her nose. LOL  They informed me that for 2 weeks after my last radiation, which is the 15th, I will still have effects like I am still having daily treatments, then it should start getting better.  So, that is pretty much what I have to look forward to.  I go tomorrow to meet with Dr. A, my plastic surgeon.  My leg is completely healed and my arm is looking really good too.  I think it has completely healed but I am no doctor.  He will probably let me quit with the daily wraps on my arm though, so that will be good.  I don't meet with my ENT again until April and then we shall find out when I will venture with the lovely thyroid surgery.  This should be a piece of cake though.

Well, along with this lovely surgery, doctors, diagnosis, and all the other medical terms, you have emotional side of this.  It has to be the hardest part.  I find that I am now hurting peoples feelings and not even knowing it because honestly, I don't mean for things to come out like they do or how they sound.  Not to mention that half the time my mouth is full of mucus that I am trying to get out all at the same time.  I don't know what to do to fix this, but I do get tired of apologizing all the time, which is what I feel I need to do "in most circumstances."  What should I do people?  My emotional roller coster is very exhausting.  What most people don't realize is that I just want my normal life back.  I haven't been able to eat in 3 months, but yet I still manage to cook for everyone else.  Not that I am complaining about cooking too much because I enjoy it, but 3 months without eating is a very big deal.  I could go on and on about eating for days but I want because I have my list for things and places I will be eating at once I am able once more.  I do get comments from people on me changing, but I don't think that is such a bad thing, and besides, I don't think you could talk to one cancer patient out there who has not changed going through such an ordeal.  I just hate that I feel like I have burdened some so much that my changes are affecting them drastically.  I also have run across some that like to use my cancer as an excuse and that it still can't be how I really feel ,it is the cancer talking, but nope, trust me, it is my mouth and my words coming out.  This thing has been the biggest life changing event of my life.  I pray though that the Lord helps my changes to be positive and for those who cant see that, again I am sorry.  I am going to have to cut my little soapbox lecture short, due to my lovely pain meds kicking in, but I will not wait so long to update again.  Sorry Max LOL :)

Thanks again for everyone who has been praying and keeping me in their thoughts.
God Bless,
Stacy