Sorry, it has been awhile. One of my moms crazy friends, just kidding Max, informed me that it has been awhile but I hadn't realized just how long it has been. Not too much has happened except that I am getting better day by day. Well, that is quite a big deal, but you know what I mean. I am now finished with my chemo treatments, yeah. I was scheduled for one more but opted not to do it. Those things make you sick as a dog and I was told the last one really doesn't add much benefit. I have lost so much weight, so I figured that why keep throwing up for something that isn't really going to benefit me? They also decided to put me back on steroids to help with nausea and thank God because those things really help out. I am down to my last 4 radiation treatments and I am steadily counting. Radiation is work from the devil :). I have lost about 4 inches of hair under the back, which you cant tell with my hair down. The worse is all this mucus. I don't know how in the world I could produce so much crap. I feel like I am honestly blowing every part of my body just to get it out. I have to clean my mouth out with toilet paper, I know it sounds gross but it works. One day Kami, my 4 yr old, walked in and said, Mom, you are only supposed to blow your nose, not your mouth. Well, she now has to blow her mouth along with blowing her nose. LOL They informed me that for 2 weeks after my last radiation, which is the 15th, I will still have effects like I am still having daily treatments, then it should start getting better. So, that is pretty much what I have to look forward to. I go tomorrow to meet with Dr. A, my plastic surgeon. My leg is completely healed and my arm is looking really good too. I think it has completely healed but I am no doctor. He will probably let me quit with the daily wraps on my arm though, so that will be good. I don't meet with my ENT again until April and then we shall find out when I will venture with the lovely thyroid surgery. This should be a piece of cake though.
Well, along with this lovely surgery, doctors, diagnosis, and all the other medical terms, you have emotional side of this. It has to be the hardest part. I find that I am now hurting peoples feelings and not even knowing it because honestly, I don't mean for things to come out like they do or how they sound. Not to mention that half the time my mouth is full of mucus that I am trying to get out all at the same time. I don't know what to do to fix this, but I do get tired of apologizing all the time, which is what I feel I need to do "in most circumstances." What should I do people? My emotional roller coster is very exhausting. What most people don't realize is that I just want my normal life back. I haven't been able to eat in 3 months, but yet I still manage to cook for everyone else. Not that I am complaining about cooking too much because I enjoy it, but 3 months without eating is a very big deal. I could go on and on about eating for days but I want because I have my list for things and places I will be eating at once I am able once more. I do get comments from people on me changing, but I don't think that is such a bad thing, and besides, I don't think you could talk to one cancer patient out there who has not changed going through such an ordeal. I just hate that I feel like I have burdened some so much that my changes are affecting them drastically. I also have run across some that like to use my cancer as an excuse and that it still can't be how I really feel ,it is the cancer talking, but nope, trust me, it is my mouth and my words coming out. This thing has been the biggest life changing event of my life. I pray though that the Lord helps my changes to be positive and for those who cant see that, again I am sorry. I am going to have to cut my little soapbox lecture short, due to my lovely pain meds kicking in, but I will not wait so long to update again. Sorry Max LOL :)
Thanks again for everyone who has been praying and keeping me in their thoughts.
God Bless,
Stacy
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